Cool BT

Cool secular guy becomes a religious Jew. Tales of the journey from past to present.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Will The Real Blogger Please Stand Up

Blogging offers an avenue of communication never before available. Anyone can share his/her life with anyone. Blogging fits into the category of "neutral," it is neither good or bad but rather it depends on what you do with it. Some have really taken the time to write quality pieces about their life and or interests. Others have used this medium to vent uncontrollably to whoever is willing to listen.

I like the psychology of comments. It is almost as fun as checking your email. We get small bits of enjoyment from the comments others leave us. We leave comments on others blogs to spread our worthy opinion and also to get traffic to our site.

The complete anonymity really sets blogging apart from other types of communication. You can be whoever you want to be and no one will know. There are liars, marketers pushing their product, preachers pushing their philosophy, people that are still mad at their parents / society and all of the in between people. Even the good bloggers out there still remain hidden behind their veil. What really is the point to all of this if no one will ever really meet each other? Are we spending too much time developing electronic relationships? For each hour we blog are we taking away time from our circle of real friends and family? Are we really having an impact on others? Are we really helping ourselves by venting on the web? What are the real ripple effects of our words?

The fact that marketers are intruding here and there tells us that this is not a complete waste of time but then again marketers hang out everywhere.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Western Minded

I have been religious for 3 years now and what an experience it has been. If you took someone from a real frum home and then pictured the opposite, that would be what I grew up in. I am still affected by it. I have learned lots of Torah but the western influences still creep in my mind. When I am dating now, for marriage, I can't help but think thoughts of the past. The last girl I dated reminded my of one of my ex-girlfriends. Not only that she was considerable shorter than I. She is FFB and has never had a boyfriend and here I am bringing my baggage to the table. I took my time to see if I could get over our size difference but she was moving at a different pace. By the 3rd date the shadchan was already prodding me to show my feelings. I don't think it is normal to have people rush you into an emotional relationship. I want to take my time and get to know someone but the whole system today works at hyper speed. I think the one I will end up marrying will have the time to wait around and get to know me.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Night Life

"I'm not driving."
"I'm definitely not driving."
"Whos going to drive?"
"Lets get Jake to drive he isn't going to drink tonight."
"What time are we meeting at your place?"
"ok ... see you soon."

I quickly shower, dry off and head to my closet. Looking through the options I find something cool to wear. I take a few minutes to gell my hair, cut my nails and spray some cologne on.

The boys arrive by 9:45p.m. and we roll to the party. The place is packed, the music is loud and everyone is dressed to impress.

Looking back, I realize there is no difference between what goes down on the discovery channel and what goes down at these "social gatherings." The women have dressed or not dressed themselves like well packaged advertisements. As we know, the better the wrapping the more chance it will sell. They essentially are playing the roll of the "prey." The hunters (guys) are all over the place scanning the room to see what looks good. If a pretty women walks buy their head snaps in her direction much like a monkeys head does when he sees a female.

This is the type of situation that occurs when people think with their hormones. They essentially are running on animal drives. In reality what people are looking for is someone to connect to. So what is wrong with this approach to relationships? After all, people are just looking to have a good time and hopefully meet a suitable mate.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention lists over 25 major sexually transmitted diseases. Many of these have no cure. Approximately 25 percent of Americans are infected with a viral (non-curable) sexually transmitted disease. Some of the diseases can be caught merely by kissing and if you get a little more serious you could catch a deadly one.

Then there is the whole other side of emotional scaring. For those of you who have played with fire and been burned you know what I am talking about. Once we are hurt by someone we are hesitant to open up to the next person. If you kept stubbing your toe walking a certain way eventually you stop walking that way. I used to have a lot of friends that were girls. I can not emphasize enough how many were really hurt by "him." Guys are tough but fall just the same. Tears and sleepless nights are no fun especially when they are avoidable.

So what started out as "looking for a good time" can end up physically and emotionaly harming us. Dating for marriage avoids all of these problems. Sure you can get hurt but it fails in comparison to a breakup after physical intimacy. Not only that but you go into the situation thinking rationally, not like an ape. This enables us to make wise decisions. Who we are going to spend the rest of our lives with is probably one of the biggest decisions we make. Why not invest wisely?

Monday, August 01, 2005

Who is the cool BT?

Imagine a guy who has no problems getting along with girls. He is socially very cool. His phone always rings. He is the life of the party. He is bright and has no problems making money. He drives a nice car and lives in a nice place.

That was me. Now I am an observant Jew. Something profound happened along the way as you can guess. What exactly was it?

I saw the emptiness in secular life and the meaning in the Torah life. King Solomon's Koheles (Ecclesiastes) really summarizes what I realized. You can dive into every pleasure imaginable but at the end of the day you are not any more happy than you were before the pleasure. So many people spend their lives chasing the rainbow because they want to see where it ends. They set out on a great adventure, scaling great mountains, maneuvering between many obstacles until finally they see that they have been chasing an illusion. I saw the illusion, stopped running and started thinking.