Cool BT

Cool secular guy becomes a religious Jew. Tales of the journey from past to present.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Western Minded

I have been religious for 3 years now and what an experience it has been. If you took someone from a real frum home and then pictured the opposite, that would be what I grew up in. I am still affected by it. I have learned lots of Torah but the western influences still creep in my mind. When I am dating now, for marriage, I can't help but think thoughts of the past. The last girl I dated reminded my of one of my ex-girlfriends. Not only that she was considerable shorter than I. She is FFB and has never had a boyfriend and here I am bringing my baggage to the table. I took my time to see if I could get over our size difference but she was moving at a different pace. By the 3rd date the shadchan was already prodding me to show my feelings. I don't think it is normal to have people rush you into an emotional relationship. I want to take my time and get to know someone but the whole system today works at hyper speed. I think the one I will end up marrying will have the time to wait around and get to know me.


  • At 8:21 AM, Blogger Michael said…

    While I haven't traveled the same path as you (I'm FFB), I do agree that it's wise to take your time with "emotional relationships." As I said to my last gf:
    "If this works out we'll be together forever, right? What's a couple of months when you compare it to many decades together? And if, over the course of this extended period of time, we realize it isn't working, won't you be glad we took the time to investigate the foundations instead of rushing into something that wasn't sturdy and ends up crashing down. Then we'll both have to start all over again in a much worse position."

    I fully agree. And, yes, the one you end up marrying will share that ideal. Good luck in the search!!!

  • At 8:21 AM, Blogger Michael said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  • At 2:02 AM, Blogger Moiy-rah said…

    The "system" we have is very good, however there are also a lot of flaws in it. There is a mentality in our soceity, that everything that you do has to be done FAST. Its like a race. How quickly can you get engaged and married? How fast can you finish college? How many kids can you have in ten years?

    I understand that life is short and we have to do as much as we can, but there are innocent people who get caught up in the competition. dont let that be you ;) If you need more time dating, then take it. Be chilled, and take things slowly. That way, no one stresses. the end-

  • At 3:29 PM, Blogger Karl said…

    Take your time, there is no reason to rush things, despite what "The System" pushes for. Nowadays things are a lot more complex than they were in the shtetle days and one system doesn't fit all.
    Personally I'd suggest someone who travelled a similar path to you.
    Good luck.

  • At 3:01 AM, Blogger jjew said…

    I hear that man. I've been observant for three years now too, just got out of a seven month relationship with a woman that I loved (also Ba'al Tshuva). It had it's purpose though, next time around it will be for marriage.


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